did you get engaged???
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
