He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
