A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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