why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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