you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
