I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
