You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
