So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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