I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
