all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
