dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sober January is a disaster.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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