I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
