i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
