Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
