he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
