textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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