I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
