can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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