her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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