i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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