Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
