k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
