he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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