dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
