Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
