my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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