2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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