just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
