i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
