Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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