Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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