She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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