Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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