With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
