I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
