tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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