dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
