I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
