lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
