My first STD was from a foam party
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
