Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
