Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just cropdusted the office
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
