well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
