is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
