My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
