I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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