Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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