I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
