3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
