bring money and cleavage
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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