Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize