Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
