my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
