cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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