I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
