Midget sex pt 2 tonight
North Korea, Best Korea!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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