after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
