i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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