The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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