walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
