you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
