like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
